Don’t “Ladder Step” Your Way To Success Because You “Should” – Leapfrog, Because You CAN. Six Tips To Help You Leapfrog To Your Goals.

Posted: June 19th, 2009 | Filed under: Business and Entrepreneurship | |

“Well-behaved women rarely make history.” – Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

When I think back to the times in my life where I’ve grown, turned in a new direction, or met a few amazing people who changed my life, I notice it’s when I find myself where I “shouldn’t” be. Woops!

In the last few weeks I’ve found myself in many places I shouldn’t be.

I was on the team bus of professional cycling team Barloworld, being flashed by a group of riders who had just finished a long stage, wanting to embarass me and have a good laugh at my expense. I will never forget their spritely expressions, nor the guys I met.

I was at a sacred group dinner, where I heard tales and got to meet personalities I would not have heard or met otherwise.

I stood in the middle of a Roman street snapping photos and twirling with my arms outstretched as the Polizía yelled at me in Italian. I pretended I didn’t understand the Italian they spoke as they tried to shoo me away, though it was very clear by their tone that I was not supposed to be there.

As I shirked back into being a “good girl” and following instructions, I knew my mind had expanded beyond the small box I kept it in and I couldn’t go back. As Oliver Wendell Holmes says, ““The mind, once expanded to the dimensions of larger ideas, never returns to its original size.”

“WELL, WE’LL DECIDE IF WE WILL ALLOW THAT…”
As children, we are taught to ladder-climb and slowly inch our ways up to the top, ladder rung by ladder rung, bit by bit. In corporate America, we found good jobs out of college, and hopefully we got promoted and promoted to the high positions we’d dreamed of. But really, how many of us dream to be middle managers of large corporations?

Even in the apprentice/master craftsman sense, do we really need to ladder climb? Yes, and no.

When I graduated college, I had a vision of being top-dog creative director at a large and respectable ad agency. I worked my tail off, learning and growing from the mentors around me. I spent 36, even 48 hours at a time working, creating, building, brainstorming, drawing to get a project done on time and as beautifully as possible.

Those early years were worth every minute I spent there, and I learned a lot. At the time it was perfect. It was what I knew how to do, and I was getting better and better by following my ambition and my drive, step by step, following “the plan”.

Towards the end of my employment I hit a ceiling. I wanted to do more, I wanted to be more, I wanted to interact with clients, I KNEW I could contribute more than I was. But at each step I had to ask permission, I had to ask if it was “okay” to tag along a meeting, if it was “okay” to do this or that. The internal rebellion started.

It started quietly at first, with an explanation, an understanding. “Of course,” I reasoned. “It’s okay, I have to learn those ropes.” Then it became a dare. “What do you mean I can’t handle that?? WATCH ME.”

I’ve come to learn that one of the deadliest words in an entrepreneur’s career is not “no”, but rather the complacent, “okay”, as in, “It’s okay, I will tolerate that which I know not to tolerate.”

I was not “supposed” to interact with clients, oh no. I was not supposed to take creative control of projects. I was not supposed to generate ideas outside of the norm. No.

I was fired from that job. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.

LEAPS IN GROWTH ARE NEVER BORN OUT OF ‘COMFORT’ OR ‘CERTAINTY’
I debated whether or not to share this bit about my working life to the general public. What would people think, to know that I was FIRED from my last job? This shatters the illusion that I am a great person! A hard worker! Maybe people won’t like me!

Funny enough, that’s exactly why I share it – because now, at the “wise” age of 31, I am finally realizing that you know what, I am a great person because I say so, not because I didn’t fit a job description.

Have you ever had a time where you wanted to make a change in your life, but were afraid to? That you knew you were meant for something better, or maybe just something different, but the excuses and fear held you back?

“Oh, after this gig finishes, then I’ll go for it.”
“Well, I have this new mortgage to pay…..I •couldn’t• just jump ship now!”
“I have responsibilities! I’m not [30, 25, 20, a teenager, from a trust fund family, etc]! I couldn’t just jump! I am responsible!”

When I got fired – during a vacation, nonetheless, they didn’t have the guts to tell it to me to my face – I cried. I spent days in beautiful New Zealand stunned, contemplating the impact of it all, what it meant, what I made it mean about my professionalism, etc. I was a good person, I was a solid worker, I wasn’t SUPPOSED to be fired!!

By the time I returned from vacation, I had a fire lit under me. I experienced first hand the saying, “Leap, and the net will appear.” See, there’s this thing that happens when we “burn the ships”, “throw our hat over” – the Universe gets to bring to us what It’s been trying to bring us all along.

This was my first taste of leapfrogging. I learned so quickly, trial by fire. It was the circumstances that enabled me to grow into my potential.

A few of the people I worked with at the job came to work with me after they learned I was fired. They are my clients still to this day. New clients came out of the woodwork. People I’d worked with in the past found out I was on my own, and contacted me, some of them years after we’d last spoken to each other.

I was not supposed to be fired. I was supposed to be a successful career woman!
In this time of discomfort and uncertainty, I started to find myself.

LEAPFROG? TO SUCCESS? REALLY?
Jane Wurwand, founder of Dermalogica and The International Dermal Institution, says with a laugh, “I went to beauty school! That’s it! Those are my qualifications! I went to beauty school, and here I am, teaching Harvard MBAs about business!”

When I first embarked on my journey as a web designer, I had no experience and no formal training. But I had the audacity to declare myself a web designer, and I worked my tail off behind-the-scenes (asking for help, reading books, scouring the internet for answers, finding mentors, etc.) so that my results matched my word. I just started telling people, “I’m a web designer,” and that was that.

I do want to point out that although the idea of leap-frogging to success means skipping the traditional rules and norms, it does not mean “without work” or “easy ride”. It can, definitely, but leapfrogging usually comes along with the idea of working with devoted intention. I say “devoted intention” because, while the hours may be long, they are usually done with such love and passion that there is nothing else that I’d rather be doing.

How Do I Apply This To My Life?
Dare to be embarrassed. Dare to be scared. Dare to feel guilty, as if you’ve done something wrong. You probably have, but it’s nothing personal. Dare to feel like the outcast, to take a different path than your friends, than the people you hear about, of how things “should” be done or are “traditionally” done, and learn to follow your instincts.

SIX STRATEGIES TO LEAPFROG TO SUCCESS IN YOUR LIFE

1. GET CLEAR. You don’t know what to say “yes” to and what to ignore if you’re not clear. Plus, the clearer you get, the faster you will magnetize people and opportunities to you.

   One incredible tool I use for this purpose engages all levels of the subconscious, and comes from NLP – the VAK. Here’s how it works:

   Step 1: Describe your goal in one sentence. For instance, “I am a successful entrepreneur”
   Step 2–V: Describe what it LOOKS like, VISUALLY, when you’ve achieved this.
   Example: “I see a beautiful ranch home in Malibu.” “I see myself having lunch with Richard Branson, Oprah, and Donald Trump.”
   Step 3–A: What does it SOUND like to achieve this? This section is two-part: 1) What do you hear others saying to you? 2) What do you hear yourself say to yourself?
   Example: Other people: “Thank you for the opportunity to live out my own dreams!”
   Yourself: “I knew I could do it!”
   Step 4–K: What does it FEEL like in your body to have this goal be true?
   If you’ve felt this before, what does it feel like?
   Where in your body is the feeling located?
   What temperature and texture is this feeling?
   If this feeling had a texture, what would it feel like?
   Step 5: Refine your goal from Step 1, if necessary. Often the process of describing your goal through all the senses helps to refine the original goal.

2. 2. ASK. Ask for opportunities, ask for help, ask to help others. Get used to hearing “no” – just like in bike racing where you have more losses than wins, you will hear more “no’s” than “yes’s”. It’s nothing personal. Just keep being attentive, keep refining what you want, practice explaining yourself, and don’t give up.
3. GET INTO MOTION. Sometimes when I think I’m crystal clear what I want, I experience something that has me realize, “ooh, no, that’s not what I want at all…..” Thing is, clarity and refinement are part of the process. Don’t try to over think things or plan the “perfect” scenario after which you’ll execute a “perfect” plan. Start where you are, and get moving. Do something, anything. For instance, I thought I wanted to be a journalist. After some experience as a journalist, I realize I much prefer being my definition of a “reporter”, or simply, “a writer”. You only know what you want by getting out and experiencing it in the world.
4. CREATE A SAFE “HOME BASE”. Because of all the uneasiness and uncertainty you’ll inevitably experience as a result of stretching yourself to grow, it’s good to have some kind of home base or sanctuary. In fact, it doesn’t have to be at your home at all! It can be a familiar park, your favorite coffee shop, a notebook of gratitude, a pressed flower kept in your wallet, a card from your parents saying they love you and believe in you. Choose an anchor, and use it to ground yourself no matter where you are or what you’re going through.
5. TRUST YOUR GUT. I’ve just recently embraced this, as I always thought “intuition” was what the weak believed in because they weren’t smart enough to figure it out. True story. But the more I trust my gut, the easier my life becomes and the more I step into a fast flow, ease and grace in achieving my goals. THESE are inspired and leapfrogged results, as opposed to trying to effort and ladder-step my way to results. I want to point out too that when I thought I could “effort” my way to success, I was in the throes of obsessive-compulsive behavior that culminated in anorexia. No bueno, people, that is a bad bad place to be, a place where you will only realize a small fraction of what you are truly capable of. Learn to ease up and be calm enough to trust your gut.
6. KEEP A GRATTITUDE AND GROWTH JOURNAL. Sometimes when we go full-charge at our goals, we forget how much we’ve already grown. So much happens to us (and by us) in a week or a day that we simply forget what we’ve accomplished, looking only at what there is left to do. I keep a journal where I document three ways I’ve grown, and three things I’m grateful for. Look, uncertainty can suck. Wondering and worrying if you’re going to make it to your end goal can suck. But, if you’re always looking ahead of you at where you WANT to be and comparing that image to where you are, it’s a recipe for misery. Instead, look behind you and see how much you’ve already grown.